LET’S TALK ABOUT BEING ANGRY
Why are we so quick to anger? Why do we stay angry for the length of time that we do? Getting angry is something I’m all too familiar with, and sometimes, it can take well over an hour before that anger dissipates to nothingness. I’ve learned over the years that anger is not a true emotion. It’s something that we use as a crutch when we are feeling an even more uncomfortable feeling: sadness, guilt, shame, and fear.
I’m going to borrow a theory I skimmed across in the book To Sell is Human by Daniel Pink, that I found really wonderful. (Yes, this book is geared towards folks with sales professions, but it’s applicable to other areas in your life as well!) It’s a concept about asking yourself three questions when you’re having a bad day (read: angry). These are the Three P’s and we need to answer them calmly and collectively, and here are examples of bad and better replies.
See if you can can pick up on the pattern:
1. IS THIS PERMANENT?
Bad response: “Yes. I’ve completely lost my skill for moving others.”
Better response: “No. I was flat today because I haven’t been getting enough sleep.”
Bad response: “Yes. I will be single forever”
Better response: “No. This relationship did not work because we were incompatible.”
2. IS THIS PERVASIVE?
Bad response: “Yes. Everyone in this industry is impossible to deal with.”
Better response: “No. This particular guy was a jerk.”
Bad response: “Yes. My kids just won’t listen to me.”
Better response: “No. I have not set appropriate boundaries with my children.”
3. IS THIS PERSONAL?
Bad response: “Yes. The reason he didn’t buy is that I messed up my presentation.”
Better response: “No. My presentation could have been better, but the real reason he passed is that he wasn’t ready to buy right now.”
Bad response: “Yes. I can’t make friends because people just do not like me.”
Better response: “No. I do not make the effort to follow up with people and will take any relationship coming into my life versus people with similar values / interests.
Those are some examples of effectively answering the Three P’s: permanent, pervasive, personal. And how to be able to step out of yourself for just a moment to understand that in the end, it’s not that bad. And if that still doesn’t work for you, have you tried meditating?