The Advice for Life class at Kadampa Mediation Center spent the entire month of February dedicated to the topic: Learning to Like People. It was so insanely helpful and productive that I’m sharing it with you here. In fact, this entire week I plan on posting various dharma talks I attended at KMC. Welcome to BUDDHIST WEEK at Peonies and Bees!
Our state of mind Determines how we experience things.
How we experience things is not entirely objective, but rather how we experience things shows us what’s truly going on inside ourselves. Almost like a projector. All of it has to do with our state of mind. Typically, if our state of mind is in a negative place, that will negatively impact our experience. And of course, vice versa. A positive state of mind will produce a positive experience.
How do we change and control our mind to better enjoy people?
It begins with looking at our habits on how we view people. We need to take a look at our own habits in regards to dwelling on other peoples short comings. We can recognize their faults, but learn to not let it impact us. When we begin to dwell on said short comings and faults, we begin to lose our balance.
In a case where we dislike people, we laser focus in on shortcomings, and develop a strong unbalance about them. We have to learn not to dwell. If not, we’ll begin to pay attention to their faults and ignore their good qualities. Or their kindness. We can get skilled at recognizing faults.
It also takes a great deal of mental energy to do this, this razor sharp concentration to find faults. We work extremelly hard at proving we’re right and they’re wrong, regardless of the situation. We become and angry and resentful.
Become Mindful When…
When do we dwell with a negative attitude? When is it going beyond a simple recognition? When do we get defensive? When do we begin getting angry?
STEPS TO AVOID BEING THROWN OFF BALANCE — NOT DWELLING ON FAULTS
1. Watch our mind. Recognize it. Identify it, but do not identify WITH it. ‘It’ being the fault finding mind.
2. Create a new habit. Cultivate it.
3. Consider the persons good qualities. Faults hold a ton of weight, so for every fault you spot, consider three of their good qualities.
to change our experience is to change our mind.
Over time it’ll get easier and easier. We won’t have such sour feelings. Anger will dissipate and turn into minor irritation. Keep this in mind next time you interact with someone you dislike. Or even someone that you genuinely like, but who just angered you. A tip that’s helped me: think of three positive qualities that person possesses, and be mindful of it!