‘I’m sorry …’ is something that is constantly spewed out of my mouth, on a very regular basis — almost like a verbal tic. I will be the first to admit that it’s so ingrained into my daily vocabulary, that it’s actually become a problem. But… I’m not the only one in this boat, and as people everywhere are pointing out, it’s quite the epidemic. Women are constantly apologizing, saying sorry, for absolutely no reason.
We do this so frequently. We use ‘sorry’ nearly as much as the other filler words: ‘like,’ ‘um,’ and ‘just.’ If you’re nodding your head, because you know you’re guilty of this too, fear not, because I’ve put together a little something to help us out.
I really thought about it for a while — these constant apologies — and I realized that I use sorry as a form of comfort. When I have to assert authority (I don’t want to seem bossy). When I think I’m interrupting someone (I don’t want to bother anyone). When I have to say something uncomfortable (it’s a form of peace-keeping). When I hear about someone’s frustrating situation (it’s a quick fix to show sympathy).
Enough is enough, we are going to stop apologizing for things / situations / events that do not warrant an apology!
HERE’S WHY
Over apologies, especially in the workplace, are detrimental to your credibility. People do not think you’re confident when you are constantly apologizing. Not to mention, it completely lessens the respect colleagues have for the apologizer.
Side Bar: this also applies to your emails, saying sorry undermines the entire message
We need to keep apologies meaningful. It’s important to know the difference between situations that call for a real, true apology, and the times that you’re saying it out of pure habit.
A RULE OF THUMB
Beginning a comment or statement with an apology immediately puts you in a one-down position. Example: “I’m sorry, can I ask you a question?”
There is never a reason for beginning a comment with an apology. Unless, the flip side, is because you interrupted someone mid-sentence, as an example. If you sharpen your awareness to situations that call for actual apologies, it will not only help you become more confident, but it will make your apologies way more meaningful.
Now, whenever I have a tendency to utter the ‘S’ word– especially at the beginning of a sentence (which happens a lot) — I swap it out with a different phrase.
SWAP IT OUT
“Sorry, can I ask…”“Excuse me, can I ask…”“Sorry, but…”“I could be wrong, but…”“Sorry, where / when / what…”“Pardon me, where / when / what”
Yes, it is still a form of apologetic language, however, it is much better than what my natural habitations want me to say. Especially at work, it’s smart to figure out when it’s appropriate to say “I’m sorry”—and when you should say something else instead.
Other things to say when you’re dying to blurt S-O-R-R-Y (per this amazing comic).
WHAT TO SAY INSTEAD
“Sorry I’m late…”“Thank you for your patience”“Sorry I’m just rambling…” Thank you for listening…”- And most importantly, start turning
SORRYinto THANK YOU!
The first step is to monitor your speech, and see how many times you say sorry throughout the day. My number was embarrassingly high — but it’s OK, we all have to start somewhere, right? The next day, I began with a few simple word swaps (although so difficult!), and soon, thanks to thinking-before-speaking, my daily sorry count slowly began to drop.
#sorrynotsorry
I want to know your daily sorry count, what’s your number?