Every Sunday morning, the Kadampa Meditation Center, at Southwest, holds a class, called ‘Advice for Life’ from 10a-11a with their resident teacher Gen Demo. She is extremelly well spoken, articulate, and hands out nuggets of gold every single class. I always come with a notebook and a pen to jot literally every word she speaks during each class / lecture / workshop. In addition to Sunday mornings, KMC also hosts several Friday night lectures and Saturday afternoon workshops — my monthly goal is it attend at least 3 classes / lectures / workshops per month, and I’ve been able to keep this up for nearly 6 months at this point.
These Buddhist teachings I’ve received have honestly changed my life, and with that, I’m eager to share with you what I’ve been learning, because it is SO HELPFUL. Today’s post is all about a workshop I attended in October: Patience without Passivity.
The workshop focused on anger, patience, finding your inner calm when conflict arrises. Every word resonated with me. Something inside of me opened up and clicked. I was able to fully absorb what was spoken, and it all made sense. It felt like the years of anger I’ve been holding onto melted away. Something that years, and years, and years of therapy hasn’t been able to do.
BEFORE: WHO I WAS
Before we dive in, let me tell you a little bit about who I was before. I was angry. I was bitter. I was replaying painful, terrible, and disheartening memories over and over in my mind. I was still holding onto unpleasant words spoken to me. I was carrying old grudges, and every little slight that was thrown my way. I read too deeply into situations and words of others. The smallest inconvenience would trigger unjustified anger inside of me. I lived in the past, always wondering what if, what if, what if. I was going through life, I was doing fine, but I was angry. Very, very angry. This is how I lived.
PATIENCE WITHOUT PASSIVITY
Life brings many challenges. Whenever difficult situations arise, it is easy for these moments to trigger reactions of anger and impatience. Buddha taught many ways to pacify our anger, such as understanding the real meaning of patience. With these teachings we can all find a source of inner calm and see the best way forward in times of conflict.
PART I – PATIENCE
Life is all about how we react to unpleasant circumstances. Our uncontrolled mind reacts. It’s the negative reaction that causes a problem for us. Small, mundane examples: waiting in lines at grocery stores, getting stuck in traffic. It’s our uncontrolled mind reacting.
uncontrolled mind = anger
We need to learn how to respond differently, begin examining situations where you find yourself getting angry. Next time you notice anger arising, take the time to explore it.
Learn new ways to respond by enjoying it when we don’t get what we want. The key to life is…
remaining happy when we don’t get what we want.
We’re always going to be faced with things we don’t like. We’re not always going to get what we want. But we need to find a different way to go about it when we encounter things we don’t like (long lines at the grocery store, traffic, etc.). How we react to not getting our way is whether or not there’s a problem.
Training for patience and acceptance is a fantastic method to solving the problem. Patience allows the mind to be at ease — it’s an internal practice. If you cultivate confidence that you can over come it, you will. Also, know that patience protects positivity.
Think about mountains. A mountain stays put in very harsh conditions. Remains stable. Not destroyed / moved by situations or conditions.
PART II – PASSIVITY
Train to accept fully and happily what’s already occurred. The ‘NOW’ is the point. What’s in the past is in the past. It’s already occurred. Face the reality of the moment. Not the should’ve, would’ve, could’ve. Give up the idea that things should be what they’re not.
Passivity takes training and practice. Apply it to whatever situation arrises.
“If there’s a remedy, no point in getting upset. And if there’s no remedy, still not point to get upset.”
Why be unhappy? What’s the benefit there? Focus on a situation. Put energy into a remedy. Why put it anywhere else?
AFTER: WHO I AM
Today, I no longer get thrown into a loop over little things. Regardless of the situation, getting upset is completely pointless. If unpleasant memories come rushing at me, I’m able to examine them and label them. I know that I don’t have to follow them, and I don’t. I let go of the anger I’ve been holding onto, what’s the point? I see that my old anger is a reflection of an unbalanced mind, so I simply react differently — deciding that there is no problem. As simple as it is, my new is motto: it is what it is. I’ve let go of the idea of things and accepted my life for what it is today.